Losing My Religion

February 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm 8 comments

When people ask me for my religious affiliation, they become a little surprise when I tell them that I’m a Catholic. I don’t blame them. I don’t go to church. I don’t believe that Catholicism is the only true religion as the church teaches. I believe in reincarnation. I believe the bible is literature organized to sell Christianity rather than the word of God. Worst of all, I don’t believe in heaven or hell.

I went to a Catholic school in the Philippines for 8 years. When I was in high school, it was obligatory that we go to confession every first Thursday of the month to cleanse us of sins we weren’t aware of until the religion teacher told us.

Before going to the confession, we were given a moment to reflect on our sins. At the same time, we were advised to make a list lest we forget something. The time came when it became so routine that we ended up copying each other’s list.

As I progressed in high school, I found myself committing the same sins over and over again. And as I started in the process of self-discovery, which led to the discovery of the opposite sex, the list grew bigger and more sinister I could feel the gates of hell closing by.

Life was simple then. The world was painted in black and white. There were hardly any gray areas. When the teacher said it was a sin, it better be a sin, even that one that gave us the greatest pleasure.

As I remember, there are two types of sin: venial and mortal. A simple lie is considered a venial sin. If you die with a venial sin, you go to a temporary place called purgatory and stay there for awhile before getting a ticket to heaven. Reading a dirty magazine is considered a mortal sin, especially when you read it in the bathroom because it leads to committing more sins. If you die with a mortal sin, you go straight to hell, no ifs or buts.

It was the finality of hell that convinced us to confess our sins as accurately as possible, including the frequency of each occurrence. Yes, we had to report the number of times to make us feel more guilty and therefore more deserving of punishment. In due time, we became experts in record-keeping that proved helpful later in life.

It was this concept of sin and eternal damnation that drew me away from the church. I just couldn’t believe that an all-loving and merciful God could let his creation suffer in hell no matter the severity of his transgressions.

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8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Den Relojo  |  February 2, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    The issue about sin, morality, and faith is rather extensive and relative. From a personal standpoint I would just leave it to the individual himself as to whatever floats his boat. But of course, we also have to make sure that we set a clear demarcation line as to whether an act could be be offensive or not, and that I guess is a better way of weighing what consitutes a sin.

    • 2. plaridel  |  February 2, 2009 at 3:30 pm


      my point exactly.

  • 3. Earthianne  |  September 2, 2011 at 5:09 am

    I carried a guilt for years – of missing my first confession (which I dreaded going to), only to realize later it was all for nothing!! I tell you, this confession thing is one of the most stupid things that man invented, lol.

    I laughed off the idea of reincarnation the first time I’ve read about it. Decades later and a tad wiser, I looked at it more closely and it actually made sense!! So, yes, I’m a firm believer of it too.

    • 4. plaridel  |  September 2, 2011 at 4:37 pm


      of course, reincarnation makes sense. spiritual growth can’t be realized in one lifetime. it’ll take many lifetimes to achieve perfection.

  • […] of the Dead – Luka’s Notebooks 67. The Adventures of Iric, Vol. 8 – jmwwriting 68. Musings of a Random Mind – Losing My Religion 69. Le Drake Noir – Mystical coziness 70. Mystical – thehouseofbailey 71. He Sings Within […]

    • 6. plaridel  |  April 8, 2017 at 7:26 pm

      thank you for the pingback! much appreciated. 🙂

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    • 8. plaridel  |  December 28, 2017 at 9:40 am

      thank you for the pingback! much appreciated.


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