How to Dump a Man

February 5, 2009 at 6:59 pm 17 comments



Shishkebab is one blogger from the original Journalspace site that I’d forever miss. Here’s one of her old posts that I kept. I find it quite interesting. It made me realize that receiving this letter is definitely preferable to the traditional “It’s not you… it’s me” routine. Maybe because I’m a dork. What do you think?

HOW TO DUMP A MAN

Dear ________,<—-enter male’s name,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough, and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

(Check those that apply…)

___Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___Your inadvertent admission that you “buy condoms by the “truckload” indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

___You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.

___You still live with your parents.

___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, you happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, ______________________<—-your name

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Blogroll, daily prompt. Tags: , , , , , , .

Losing My Religion bourdain nibbles on the philippines

17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kate  |  February 5, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    Love it! I’d add:

    ____ It appears that you’ve escaped from the local mental hospital

    Reply
  • 2. ceritaku  |  February 6, 2009 at 1:08 am

    hai. your site is very interesting.

    Reply
  • 3. plaridel  |  February 6, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    kate:

    great addition…

    Reply
  • 4. Den Relojo  |  February 11, 2009 at 6:01 am

    LOL. Hilarious! I’m thinking of doing a gay version of that. Something like “How To Dump a gay Lover”.

    Reply
    • 5. plaridel  |  February 11, 2009 at 12:47 pm

      den:

      it’s worth a try.

      Reply
  • 6. sub  |  April 29, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    ____ honestly, im insecure. you’re prettier than me on most occassion.

    ____ i think you should go and see a dentist first before setting up a date with me.

    ____ you smell like my lolo!

    hehehe ang bad ko!

    Reply
    • 7. plaridel  |  April 30, 2010 at 9:48 am

      subterfuge:

      nice additions to the list. 🙂

      Reply
  • 8. kelliemacaraeg  |  July 12, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    makes sense..

    ___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

    ___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

    P.S>
    __ I have more hairs than you

    HAHAHA!

    Reply
    • 9. plaridel  |  July 13, 2010 at 8:07 am

      kellie:

      teka, tinamaan ako dun. i don’t have lots of hair on my legs!

      Reply
  • 10. Elaine's Bloggers Paradise  |  November 3, 2016 at 10:04 am

    loved this, made me laugh

    Reply
    • 11. plaridel  |  November 3, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      elaine:

      great! i’m glad you liked it. 🙂

      Reply
  • 12. s1ngal  |  November 3, 2016 at 10:20 am

    Just purrrrrrfect! lol

    Reply
    • 13. plaridel  |  November 3, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      s1ngal:

      i’m glad you liked it. thank you.

      Reply
  • 14. Bodynsoil  |  November 4, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    This letter is great; the comments are the icing on the cake!

    Reply
    • 15. plaridel  |  November 4, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      bodynsoil:

      thanks… now if we can come up with the man’s version. 🙂

      Reply
  • 16. Judy  |  February 22, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    Yes! Finally something about CBD.

    Reply
    • 17. plaridel  |  February 22, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      judy:

      🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


From The Book Thief

i have hated the words and i have loved them, and i hope i have made them right.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,691 other followers

Right Brain vs. Left Brain Test

In My Community

Recent Posts

Blog Stats

  • 89,902 hits
Flag Counter

%d bloggers like this: