An Arranged Marriage

April 27, 2009 at 11:46 am 4 comments

I just received the news that my Pakistani friend is getting married. He told me that his parents found a suitable wife for her. In other words, it would be an arranged marriage as practiced in his native country for generations.

It doesn’t matter that he has been educated and living now in the United States.

“Have you met her?” I asked.

“As a matter of fact, I haven’t.” he answered. “My father asked me if I want to see her picture, I told him, no. I completely trust his judgment.”

With a master’s degree and a good paying job, he could demand a dowry from the parents of his future wife. But he said it wouldn’t be necessary.

Sometimes I wonder if an arranged marriage is the way to go. Who is better to choose a suitable mate for you than your parents? They know you since childhood. They know your tendencies. They know your likes and dislikes. In a way, it would be liberating, too. You’re absolved from making the biggest mistake of your life.

I have another friend from Iindia whose marriage was also arranged. He has two kids now, and from the look of it, he has no regrets.

“Ask April” Author of the best selling, “Date Out Of Your League” said it best:

“The advantage that arranged marriages have is that there is no illusion of love to begin with. There is a shared idea that the marriage will work because they are going to make it work. And in so doing, love often arises. Love, for them, is not a lightning bolt that hits you from the sky, or the sweet sting of cupid’s arrow. Love is a result of being committed to each other through thick and thin. Love is commitment.”

Entry filed under: Blogroll, daily prompt. Tags: , , , , .

Shopping for a Man a woman is like a box of chocolates

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. thatwordinme  |  April 27, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    In the old times, (in the bible), it was the parents who selected wives for their sons. That happened with Isaac and Rebekah, Leah, Rachel and Jacob. and a lot more. If you’d ask me, i would want my parents in on the courtship, but let me decide who to marry. I mean, i will tell them about this guy, meet with him, get to know him, but they will not decide that I marry him. I would seek their counsel/advice, let them pray with me about him, pero pagdating sa desisyon, ako pa din eh.

  • 2. plaridel  |  April 27, 2009 at 6:48 pm


    when i was in turkey last year, i learned from the mother of a family that i visited that she chose the wives for her sons. she said if she didn’t, they wouldn’t be happy in their marriage. as for the daughter, she let her choose her own husband because she trusted her judgment more. i found it a little weird but didn’t say anything for fear of offending the host.

    anyway, an arranged marriage isn’t the only option for a successful union. commitment to the marriage is the key.

  • 3. AC  |  April 30, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    buti na lang talaga at pinay ako at katoliko… para kaseng.. alam mo na. para sa akin kahit ilan ulit man ako magmahal, masaktan, mabigo… at hindi PA ikasal, okay pa din.. masaya pa din.. i charged them all to experience.

    kesa naman yung papakasal ako sa isang taong ni wala akong kaalam-alam.. saklap.. kung ang maayos na pagsisimula nga minsan nageend pa rin sa failure eh.. paano pa ang arranged marriage. hmmm..

    i still believe in LOVE and COMMITMENT. not commitment alone. 🙂 but i respect their culture of course. 🙂

    sori ha carried away. hahaha!

    anyway, this is for you:

    have fun! 🙂

  • 4. plaridel  |  May 2, 2009 at 8:11 am


    i guess it’s really a cultural thing. you go with what you’ve been brought up with and hope for the best.


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