Could I Be A Space Alien?

 
Our admin assistant at work has the task of collecting office memos, letters, and anything that can be printed or photocopied like newspaper clippings in a weekly folder called the go-around files. This folder is then passed around to the staff for their reading pleasure. It was our former boss who came up with the idea to ensure transparency within the group. Our current boss thought it was a swell idea, too, so he continued the practice.

The go-around files aren’t totally a waste of time. Sometimes a nugget worth its weight in gold can be found there. Take for example, the following clipping from last week’s go-around. It was marked as important by the boss. Written by Michael Cassels for the National Enquirer, it provides insights from experts on how to positively identify an extra-terrestial. You know, someone who came from a distant planet.

 
Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human – but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts.

They listed 10 signs to watch for:

1. Odd or mismatched clothes. “Often space aliens don’t fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers,” noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.
2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat French fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills, the experts say.
3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don’t understand earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.
4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off to “rejuvenate its energy,” said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist.
5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. “Aliens are constantly gathering information.” said Steiger.
6. Misuses everday items. “A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails,” said Steiger.
7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions that seem stupid, Easton said. “For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July,” noted Steiger.
8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. “An alien won’t discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends,” said Steiger.
9. Frequently talks to himself. “An alien may not be used to speaking as we do, so an alien may practice speaking,” Steiger noted.
10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. “An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on,” said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.

After reading it, I realized that I possess some of the traits mentioned in the article. Could it be that I’m one of them, That I have been reprogrammed to act and think like a human being? Could it be the reason why a fellow teammate sitting in the cubicle behind me is giving me this strange look lately? I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry. She’s not above suspicion herself.

At the rate things are going, I foresee more folks getting out of the closet. A real breakthrough, indeed. Welcome to the new reality.

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