Hold Your Water

 
I think it was during the time of Noah that water on this planet was so plentiful that he built an ark. It was the biggest cruise ship in human history complete with animals to entertain his relatives and friends. But the fun didn’t last. While navigating around Mt. Ararat, water started to subside. Lands started to appear. They had to abandon ship. The environmentalists of the day, including Al Gore’s ancestors, attributed it to global warming. Yes dear, there was global warming even then. After all, we live in the same planet.

Global warming continued to scorch the planet until the ice age came. Animal rights activists remember it as the age of infamy when millions of animals were slaughtered for fur. Sure, not even the white house can deny that. But we can also thank the Ice Age for preserving water for future generations.

The Ice Age has come and gone and we’re at that point again when global warming is rearing its ugly head. In his Oscar-winning documentary, Al Gore showed pictures of the rapidly melting glaciers in Antartica. If not abated, he warned, it would cause sea levels to rise and drown out habitable portions of the earth’s surface. And when all glaciers are gone, then what? I’d venture to say that global warming would vent its fury through evaporation.

The dictionary defines evaporation as “the process by which a liquid is converted into a vapor. In the liquid phase, the substance is held together by intermolecular forces. As the temperature is raised, the molecules move more vigorously, and in increasingly high proportion have sufficient energy to escape from their neighbors. Evaporation is therefore slow at low temperatures but faster at higher temperatures.”

What this means is that, as global warming makes the planet hotter, the faster it will dry up. The sea levels will go down and free up land areas for real estate development by the likes of Donald Trump. And then it will be followed by water getting more and more scarce until it completely evaporates from the surface of the earth.

Such is the future that we now face, a future that Noah would have never imagined. It doesn’t help that as the world’s population continue to increase, so does the demand for the diminishing water supply. It will not be long when rivers, lakes, and other sources of water will need to be protected in the name of national security. As Mark Twain quipped, “Whisky is for drinking, water is for fighting over.”

Don’t you think it’s about time that we contribute our fair share to saving this precious resource? Most especially, potable water. You know, the kind that’s fit to drink. When we run out of it, we die of thirst, as the undocumented workers trying to cross the U.S. border in the arid desert heat. Here’s my top 10 list of things we can do:

1. Ban bottled water as packaging it requires fossil fuel and thereby contributes to global warming.
2. Promote beer, wine, and similar concoctions as potable alternatives.
3. Control the urge to flush the toilet. If it’s yellow, keep it. If it’s brown, then, by jove, flush it.
4. Keep the lawn brown. In this context, brown is beautiful.
5. Forget showering or limit it to a minimum as the french do or share it with someone.
6. Follow the lead of ladies having their hair done at the parlor once a week. This avoids washing hair at home.
7. Let the secret out that human sweat is a pheromone.
8. Start using disposable clothes and dishes.
9. If disposable clothes aren’t within the budget, practice nudity or consider leather as the cavemen did.
10. Support the drive to repeal laws pertaining to taking care of business in public places as long as it’s discreetly done.

There you go. did I miss something?

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