On The Outside Looking In

April 10, 2014 at 9:54 am 43 comments

for friday fictioneers 100-word challenge 11 april 2014

dlovering
photo credit: dlovering

It was St. Michael’s Day. The town was in a festive mood with colorful buntings decorating the streets.

As usual, the public plaza was fenced in for the annual ball by the town’s royalty.

Ibarra joined the other residents outside the fence. He came to watch Victoria perform. She remained the love of his life.

What a difference the years made. She went to college while he joined the underground to overthrow the government.

“Comrade, let’s go,” Tania, feeling a little jealous, whispered to him.

After taking a long, last look at Victoria, he and Tania slipped into the darkness.

* * *

 

The dance that Victoria performed

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Blogroll, friday fictioneers. Tags: , , , , .

wordless wednesday: las ramblas in the dead of day weekly photo challenge: monument

43 Comments Add your own

  • 1. elmowrites  |  April 10, 2014 at 10:24 am

    when I read about revolutionaries, I thought there was going to be some drama at the end, but actually this is a quiet, almost pastoral piece.

    Reply
    • 2. plaridel  |  April 10, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      elmowrites:

      i thought of ibarra and tania planting a bomb, but that would make them terrorists not true revolutionaries.

      Reply
  • 3. Rachel Bjerke  |  April 10, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Personally, I felt there was plenty of drama at the end. Maybe not in the revolutionary kind of way,but definitely in the relationship kind. Everyone sees things differently, which is the wonderful thing about fiction!
    Good story : )

    Reply
    • 4. plaridel  |  April 10, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      rachel:

      it was a relationship thing. ibarra was at the point of cutting the remaining link to his past which was victoria in order to become a true revolutionary. tania would be there to help him in the process.

      Reply
  • 5. Sandra  |  April 10, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Nicely done, as usual.

    Reply
    • 6. plaridel  |  April 10, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      sandra:

      thank you for reading. glad you liked it. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 7. siobhanmcnamara  |  April 10, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Such a lot of story in a few sentences – and a lovely tone to reflect Ibarra’s mood. A lovely read πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 8. plaridel  |  April 10, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      siobhan:

      a lot of details were left to meet the 100-word requirement. if you enjoyed reading it, the effort musn’t be in vain. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 9. talesfromthemotherland  |  April 10, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    Such a bittersweet story, really nicely written.

    Reply
    • 10. plaridel  |  April 10, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      dawn:

      thank you for your comment. much appreciated.

      Reply
  • 11. Karen Whitelaw  |  April 10, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    The dancing video compliments your story beautifully. Nice one.

    Reply
    • 12. plaridel  |  April 11, 2014 at 9:30 am

      karen:

      it’s a courtship dance. a metaphor for the protagonists pursuing (courting) different paths.

      Reply
  • 13. Nan Falkner  |  April 10, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    Thanks – good story! Thanks! Nan πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 14. plaridel  |  April 11, 2014 at 9:31 am

      nan:

      thank you for the nice compliment. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 15. elappleby  |  April 11, 2014 at 1:33 am

    A very interesting take on the prompt and a great video.
    While I’m here though, I hope you won’t mind me saying that the twirling lady on your blog is very distracting. I had to cover her with my hand to focus on your story. Maybe she could be a little higher up or lower down? Might be my problem, maybe I’m just a grumpy old cow, but thought I’d mention it.
    Next week, I’ll pop out and buy some post it notes to stick over her so I can continue to enjoy your stories πŸ˜€

    Reply
    • 16. plaridel  |  April 11, 2014 at 9:33 am

      elappleby:

      save your post=it note. i asked the dancing lady to freeze. πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • 17. elappleby  |  April 11, 2014 at 11:44 pm

        Thank you – you’re wonderful πŸ˜€

        Reply
  • 19. Hala J.  |  April 11, 2014 at 4:37 am

    A lovely description of a moment between two familiar characters, on diverged paths. You added a nice touch of humanity here πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 20. plaridel  |  April 11, 2014 at 9:52 am

      hala j.:

      i’m glad you saw the characters as i tried to portray them. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 21. K.Z.  |  April 11, 2014 at 8:40 am

    ah lovely πŸ™‚ someday, i’m going to write a piece that has Filipino influences as well πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 22. plaridel  |  April 11, 2014 at 9:53 am

      k.z.:

      now, that would be something. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 23. sustainabilitea  |  April 11, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    I like how you showed the leaving of one life and love behind and moving on. I’m also glad he’s a revolutionary and not a terrorist. I’ve always found that twirling lady annoying, too, on all the sites where I’ve seen her. Thanks for stopping her! And thanks for sharing the dance.

    janet

    Reply
    • 24. plaridel  |  April 11, 2014 at 6:51 pm

      janet:

      you’re very welcome.

      Reply
  • 25. draliman  |  April 11, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    I guess Ibarra has made his choice and needs to leave his previous life behind. Nice story!

    Reply
    • 26. plaridel  |  April 12, 2014 at 9:52 am

      draliman:

      a true revolutionary breaks away from the past. otherwise. he loses focus.

      Reply
  • 27. Sarah Ann  |  April 12, 2014 at 1:49 am

    So much sadness. I wonder if Tania has any need to be jealous. What would Victoria do if she cast eyes on Ibarra now? I like that this leaves so much more for the reader to imagine.

    Reply
    • 28. plaridel  |  April 12, 2014 at 9:53 am

      sarah ann:

      tania has secret feelings for him.

      Reply
  • 29. rochellewisoff  |  April 12, 2014 at 5:00 am

    dear plaridel,

    life is full of changes, partings and moving on. well done.

    shalom,

    rochelle

    Reply
    • 30. plaridel  |  April 12, 2014 at 9:53 am

      rochelle:

      it’s true. nothing in life last forever.

      Reply
  • 31. BjΓΆrn Rudberg (brudberg)  |  April 12, 2014 at 5:12 am

    How different choices make people part… Different ways.. And never any road back…

    Reply
    • 32. plaridel  |  April 12, 2014 at 9:53 am

      bjΓΆrn:

      where your heart is, there you go.

      Reply
  • 33. patrickprinsloo  |  April 13, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    He chose the right path, but lost his heart. But I bet Tania is a real stunner, anyhow.

    Reply
    • 34. plaridel  |  April 13, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      patrick:

      we could only wish. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 35. patriciaruthsusan  |  April 14, 2014 at 12:38 am

    Good story. With this scene, we see Ibarra leave his old life behind and begin his new life. That was a lot for so few words. Well written. I enjoyed the video clip. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 36. plaridel  |  April 14, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      patricia:

      thank you again for reading my story. means much to me. the video clip is a dance symbolizing how to court a filipino woman or how it used to be. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 37. atrm61  |  April 14, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Lovely triangle here -I liked the way you brought in bits of the back story, giving the reader a clear picture about what used to be and how it is today! A crisp ending too Plaridel, great job. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • 38. plaridel  |  April 14, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      atreyee:

      thank you for the nice compliment and reading my story. πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • 39. atrm61  |  April 14, 2014 at 1:28 pm

        A pleasure always Plaridel:-)

        Reply
        • 40. plaridel  |  April 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

          atreyee:

          awesome! πŸ™‚

          Reply
          • 41. atrm61  |  April 14, 2014 at 10:06 pm

            πŸ™‚

            Reply
  • 42. aliciajamtaas  |  April 15, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Well told story! Thank you.

    Reply
    • 43. plaridel  |  April 15, 2014 at 10:37 am

      alicia:

      thank you for reading my story. i really appreciate it.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


From The Book Thief

i have hated the words and i have loved them, and i hope i have made them right.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,746 other followers

Right Brain vs. Left Brain Test

In My Community

Recent Posts

Blog Stats

  • 94,702 hits
Flag Counter

%d bloggers like this: