How to Win in the Middle East

April 21, 2014 at 9:14 pm 6 comments


 
If there’s something I wish to see in my lifetime, it’s lasting peace in the Middle East. However, it doesn’t seem likely.

Even though the U.S. Army prides itself as being the best in the world, it finds itself bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan. Its training, modern weaponry, and technology aren’t a match against a determined adversary who’s willing to die for jihad. As Bin Laden once said, “we love death. the U.S. loves life. That is the difference between us two.”

In the war in Iraq that officially ended in 2011, the U.S. forces suffered nearly 4,500 casualties. A significant portion of the fatalities were caused by suicide bombers. Why would a young Muslim embrace death by blowing himself up? Islam forbids suicide. It appears, however, that killing oneself in this manner isn’t suicide per se. Only the Western press says so. Actually, it’s considered martyrdom because it’s done in the name of Islam.

Still, there must be incentives to die to sweeten the deal. Based on my limited research, the heavenly rewards seem more earthly than spiritual.

According to the Prophet Muhammad, “the smallest reward for the people of paradise is an abode where there are 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine, and ruby, as wide as the distance from Al-Jabiyyah to Sana’a.”

Added Al-Suyuti, a Koranic commentator and person of great learning in the 15th century, “the penis of the elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint.”

Small wonder that some suicide bombers or martyrs (depending on what side of the fence you’re in) bandaged and adequately protected their sexual organs for their last mission. As devout Muslims, they made sure they could handle their heavenly obligations as well.

Unless the American military can develop a better strategy for dealing with insurgents who aren’t afraid of death, it’s headed for devastating defeat. How about resurrecting a proposal made by the Air Force in 1994? It was about creating a chemical bomb that would cause enemy combatants to become gay and make them sexually attracted to one another and less inclined to fighting. Never mind that the idea was initiated during the time of Clinton. The Obama administration should follow through and consider it. I think that kind of weapon would make a big difference. Besides, it would be a kinder, gentler way to end any conflict in the Middle East.

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