Victorio’s Secret

February 17, 2016 at 7:57 pm 44 comments

For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 19 February 2016

Sandra Crook
Photo Credit: Sandra Crook

Victorio arrived at the Stars Wars convention all wrapped up as Darth Vader. It was quite a contrast from someone who once flaunted his body on stage.

A former underwear model, Victorio was gorgeous with a fine chiseled body. But time wasn’t kind. He lost his hair and his weight ballooned to 260 pounds. He became homeless and spiraled into depression.

As the children rushed to him with their lightsabers, he revealed the secret he was hiding in his chest. It was a suicide vest that caused them to stop in their tracts.

“Ssssssh!” he whispered and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Alternate ending:

As the children rushed to him with their lightsabers, he revealed a secret that caused them to freeze. It was a suicide vest hidden in his chest.

“Ssssssh!” he whispered and pulled the trigger. But it didn’t work.

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Entry filed under: Blogroll, friday fictioneers. Tags: , , .

Wordless Wednesday: Great Bull on Fire Weekly Photo Challenge: Seasons

44 Comments Add your own

  • 1. aysabaw  |  February 17, 2016 at 11:14 pm

    OMG.

    Reply
    • 2. plaridel  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:19 am

      aysabaw:

      hopefully, it didn’t ruin your dinner. πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • 3. aysabaw  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:25 am

        Not really Sir hehehe

        Reply
        • 4. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:55 pm

          aysabaw:

          awesome. πŸ™‚

          Reply
  • 5. FabricatingFiction  |  February 18, 2016 at 12:31 am

    Explosive end! That’s was shocking.

    Reply
    • 6. plaridel  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:18 am

      louise:

      thank you. i was shocked myself. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 7. draliman  |  February 18, 2016 at 3:16 am

    Yeeks. I was formulating a light-hearted comment but your ending put paid to that.

    Reply
    • 8. plaridel  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:18 am

      draliman:

      it was an ending i didn’t envision at first. strange how the mind works sometimes.

      Reply
  • 9. gahlearner  |  February 18, 2016 at 4:37 am

    That was painfully shocking. Very effective writing, making us curious, bringing the children in, and then…

    Reply
    • 10. plaridel  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:18 am

      gahlearner:

      i looked at the prompt and it gave me an idea on how time could destroy a man.

      Reply
  • 11. ceayr  |  February 18, 2016 at 6:37 am

    Nicely built tale, seemingly innocent, then the bite.
    Well done.

    Reply
    • 12. plaridel  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:17 am

      ceayr:

      thank you. i’m glad you liked it.

      Reply
  • 13. Ann GrubbsnCritters  |  February 18, 2016 at 7:05 am

    Love it! Sssssshhhh…Makes me shudder. Well done on this one, Plaridel!

    Reply
    • 14. plaridel  |  February 18, 2016 at 9:17 am

      ann:

      i’m glad it worked for you. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 15. rochellewisoff  |  February 18, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    Dear Plaridel,

    Good buildup but grisly ending. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
    • 16. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      rochelle:

      not if he failed, but we wouldn’t know. 😦

      Reply
  • 17. ansumani  |  February 19, 2016 at 6:38 am

    …But he had messed up the wiring and the vest didn’t blow up. The children ran away and played happily with their lightsabers.

    That’s how I am going to end this story (at least for myself) πŸ™‚

    Nicely done story…shows how time can change people dramatically.

    Reply
    • 18. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      ansumani:

      i think that’s a great idea. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 19. Sandra  |  February 19, 2016 at 9:41 am

    Well that certainly came out of back field. Wow!

    Reply
    • 20. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      sandra:

      i’m glad the buildup worked for you. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 21. oldentimes  |  February 19, 2016 at 12:39 pm

    Certainly unexpected! Nicely done!

    Reply
    • 22. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      oldentimes:

      thank you.

      Reply
  • 23. BjΓΆrn Rudberg (brudberg)  |  February 19, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    I truly hope he had messed up the wiring…. Please let him fail at hat also.

    Reply
    • 24. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      bjΓΆrn:

      that would be the ideal ending indeed.

      Reply
  • 25. mickwynn2013  |  February 19, 2016 at 2:46 pm

    Instant reaction to that is, aaahh, horrible! So good job, well done

    Reply
    • 26. plaridel  |  February 19, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      mick:

      again, thank you for your support. deeply appreciated.

      Reply
  • 27. Amy Reese  |  February 19, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    I didn’t see that coming, Plaridel. Great, if not sad, story. Well done!

    Reply
    • 28. plaridel  |  February 20, 2016 at 9:14 am

      amy:

      i just thought of an alternate ending. please check. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 29. erinleary  |  February 20, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    Poor kids!! And poor Victorio. The alternate ending at least provides another chance for all of them.

    Reply
    • 30. plaridel  |  February 21, 2016 at 2:10 pm

      erin:

      i’m glad you prefer the alternate ending. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 31. Amy Reese  |  February 20, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    I like the second one better! It seems more appropriate for his character somehow. That would happen to him and then he would have to make good on his Darth Vader costume and talk to the kids. Maybe, it would do him good and he would have a whole new lease on life!

    Reply
    • 32. plaridel  |  February 21, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      amy:

      come to think of it, he may really deserve a second chance in life. πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • 33. Amy Reese  |  February 21, 2016 at 2:12 pm

        I’m all for second chances!

        Reply
        • 34. plaridel  |  February 22, 2016 at 3:15 pm

          amy:

          same here. πŸ™‚

          Reply
    • 35. Adam Ickes  |  February 21, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      I have to agree here. The first was good, but the second seems somehow more appropriate.

      Reply
      • 36. plaridel  |  February 22, 2016 at 3:15 pm

        adam:

        coming up with an alternative ending wasn’t a total waste after all. πŸ™‚

        Reply
  • 37. kathyd65  |  February 21, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Art imitates… reality. I like your story, that you aren’t afraid to go there. It’s a scary world we live in.

    Reply
    • 38. plaridel  |  February 22, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      kathy:

      thank you for reading. i’m glad you liked it. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  • 39. patriciaruthsusanve  |  February 23, 2016 at 11:07 am

    Good story, Plaridel. I favor the second ending by far. How sad. He really needs help and will no doubt get it now unless he did this in a country where he’ll get the death penalty or be shot where he stands. Now those kids will need help also. Well written with a powerful twist at the end. —- Suzanne

    Reply
    • 40. plaridel  |  February 23, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      suzanne:

      he needs help badly.

      Reply
  • 41. Lori Carlson  |  February 25, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Oh wow! Great story.. I prefer the original ending.. I am just twisted that way πŸ˜‰

    Reply
    • 42. plaridel  |  February 26, 2016 at 9:42 am

      lori:

      thank you for reading. i deeply appreciate it. πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • 43. Lori Carlson  |  February 26, 2016 at 11:09 am

        My pleasure, plaridel πŸ™‚

        Reply
        • 44. plaridel  |  February 27, 2016 at 9:24 am

          lori:

          alright! alright! πŸ™‚

          Reply

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