A Love Story

April 27, 2016 at 2:17 pm 38 comments

For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 29 April 2016

  Mary Shipman
Photo Credit: Mary Shipman

Many years ago, it was here that David and Sara pledged their love for each other over pizza and coke. As high school sweethearts, they looked forward to marriage and raising a family.

If there was a hitch, it was her family’s objection on religious grounds.

As David walked around, he could barely recognize the place they used to hang out. But the heart that he carved with their initials on the bench overlooking her uncle’s shop remained.

It would have been perfect, a cynic might say, if their love had survived. But it did. They were now officially engaged.

Based on the initial comments, I made an update to the original story (see below):

Revision #1 (04/30/2016)

David went to visit the mall where he and Sara used to hang out. They were so in love looking forward to a future together

It was her family’s objection on religious grounds, however, that led to their breakup.

As David walked around, he noticed that much had changed. But the heart that he carved with their initials on the bench overlooking her uncle’s shop remained.

It would have been perfect, a cynic might say, if their love had survived. But it did. A chance encounter at their high school reunion had rekindled old sparks. They were now officially engaged.

Revision #2 (05/01/2016)

David went to visit the local mall where, as teenagers, he and Sara pledged their love for each other over pizza and coke.

Looking back, it was her family’s objection on religious grounds that caused them to drift apart.

As David walked around, he noticed that much had changed. But the heart that he carved with their initials on the bench overlooking her uncle’s shop remained.

It would have been perfect, a cynic might say, if their love had survived. But it did. A chance encounter at their high school reunion had rekindled old sparks. They were now officially engaged.

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38 Comments Add your own

  • 1. oldentimes  |  April 27, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    true love waits, and waits. (y)

    Reply
    • 2. plaridel  |  April 27, 2016 at 7:50 pm

      oldentimes:

      i totally agree. 🙂

      Reply
  • 3. wmqcolby  |  April 27, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Hmmm. I’m kind of lost here. What would have been the religious objections? I ask this because they aren’t mentioned again. I thought the story would focus on the results and their reactions. Also, “if their love had survived” or “hadn’t survived?”
    It’s a good story, just needs some clarification. I love the way it starts and the happy ending, though.

    Reply
    • 4. plaridel  |  April 27, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      kent:

      thank you for watching my back.

      the 100-word limit can be a real challenge to neophyte like me. sometimes, it forces me to remove details that should have been included in the story. it’s good practice, though.

      anyway, she belonged to a very conservative family and it happened that he didn’t belong to the same faith.

      the cynic was being his usual self when he said “it would have been perfect it their love had survived” because he expected it wouldn’t.

      Reply
  • 5. Sandra  |  April 28, 2016 at 12:35 am

    Nice to see the cynic proved wrong.

    Reply
    • 6. plaridel  |  April 28, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      sandra:

      at least, in this story. 🙂

      Reply
  • 7. IfeomaO  |  April 28, 2016 at 2:08 am

    “Cause I wrote you a love song” or in this case story- well done 🙂

    Reply
    • 8. plaridel  |  April 28, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      lelia:

      deeply appreciate your comment. thank you.

      Reply
  • 9. rochellewisoff  |  April 28, 2016 at 4:00 am

    Dear Plaridel,

    I have to echo my cousin Kent here. I was a little confused. Did it take years for them to finally become engaged? it’s the beginning of a lovely relationship I think.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
    • 10. plaridel  |  April 28, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      rochelle:

      thank you. your point is well taken. important details were left out. i think the lesson to learn here is not to go overboard and limit the focus. after all, the objective is not to write a novel but a 100-word story.

      Reply
  • 11. draliman  |  April 28, 2016 at 6:05 am

    Quite a surprise (but welcome ending)! I was expecting them to have drifted apart.

    Reply
    • 12. plaridel  |  April 28, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      draliman:

      after reading kent’s story, i can’t end it any other way. 🙂

      Reply
  • 13. bikurgurl  |  April 28, 2016 at 8:11 am

    A sweet tale — love triumphs 🙂

    Reply
    • 14. plaridel  |  April 28, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      bikurgurl:

      thank you. i’m glad you liked it. 🙂

      Reply
      • 15. bikurgurl  |  April 28, 2016 at 1:12 pm

        😉

        Reply
        • 16. plaridel  |  April 29, 2016 at 7:25 pm

          bikurgurl:

          that’s very encouraging!

          Reply
  • 17. mickwynn2013  |  April 28, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    Love wins, great tsle

    Reply
    • 18. plaridel  |  April 29, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      mick:

      thank you. i’m glad you liked it. 🙂

      Reply
  • 19. Mike  |  April 28, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    I trust that with age they have from an answer to the religious problem. Keeping within the hundred word limit really make one work hard to keep the story alive. I saw them as septuagenerians? Well done. Mike

    Reply
    • 20. plaridel  |  April 29, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      mike:

      well, i figured them to be in their 30s. 🙂

      Reply
  • 21. rgayer55  |  April 29, 2016 at 3:47 am

    Cynics are always saying that about young lovers, especially when they come from different backgrounds. Usually it just makes them work harder to prove the cynic wrong.

    I’ll have to admit, like Kent & Rochelle, I was slightly confused and it took me while to put all the pieces together. But in the end, it turned out to be a sweet, romantic piece.

    Reply
    • 22. plaridel  |  April 29, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      russell:

      i think i got lost in the process of trying to fit the story in 100-words. at least, i’m glad you found some sense on it.

      Reply
  • 23. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)  |  April 29, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    I think that’s the problem with cynics.. too many listen to them… Love that they were proven wrong.

    Reply
    • 24. plaridel  |  April 29, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      björn:

      cynics do have a purpose, but they are not infallible.

      Reply
  • 25. Amy Reese  |  April 30, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    Love survived the religious hurdle here. I’m glad they both waited for each other. What a sweet story, Plaridel. I think the second is much more clear, but I like your intro of the first with the pizza and coke. Funny thing, I’m eating pizza right now. 🙂 Serious.

    Reply
    • 26. plaridel  |  May 1, 2016 at 8:55 am

      amy:

      what a coicidence. i had pizza for dinner, too. please check the second revision. perhaps you’d like it better. 🙂

      Reply
  • 27. ansumani  |  May 1, 2016 at 6:30 am

    Some people are destined for each other aren’t they? Sweet story.

    Reply
    • 28. plaridel  |  May 1, 2016 at 8:57 am

      ansumani:

      it was fate alright. i’m glad you liked it. 🙂

      Reply
  • 29. Dale  |  May 1, 2016 at 3:37 pm

    Lovely story, Plaridel… I think you did well to rewrite it – no clarification needed!

    Reply
    • 30. plaridel  |  May 2, 2016 at 10:37 am

      dale:
      |
      thank you. i’m glad you liked it. 🙂

      Reply
  • 31. Perry Block (@PerryBlock)  |  May 1, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Yep, I like No. 3. It was much more clear about the time sense, communicating that they have reconnected after many years.

    Reply
    • 32. plaridel  |  May 2, 2016 at 10:37 am

      perry:

      i’m glad you liked no. 3 the best. it made doing it all worthwhile.

      Reply
  • 33. gahlearner  |  May 2, 2016 at 8:49 am

    I actually like your original best, because it is more intense, there’s more showing, less telling. It really isn’t important for the story, IMO, that this is a mall. It’s any place. I do like the addition of the ‘love rekindled’–that, in my opinion, would be the only thing needed to make the ending clearer. It is a beautiful love story in all three versions.

    Reply
    • 34. plaridel  |  May 2, 2016 at 10:37 am

      gahlearner:

      i guess there’s no perfect story. 🙂

      Reply
  • 35. patriciaruthsusan  |  May 3, 2016 at 4:19 am

    I liked all three. I’m glad they finally got together. Well done, Plaridel. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Reply
    • 36. plaridel  |  May 3, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      suzanne:

      awesome. you’re the first to like all of them. 🙂

      Reply
  • 37. Dawn Quyle Landau  |  May 3, 2016 at 7:37 am

    A sweet story of love’s endurance; nice job Plaridel.

    Reply
    • 38. plaridel  |  May 3, 2016 at 3:11 pm

      dawn:

      there are times when all the stars converge and the planets align. this is one of them. 🙂

      Reply

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