The Baseball Cap

January 11, 2017 at 9:57 am 46 comments

http://wp.me/p6FwZ-2Es

For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 13 January 2017

C.E. Ayr

Photo Credit: C.E. Ayr

“You sure, Jimmy, you sure?” Kevin was incredulous when I gave him the baseball cap.

When I nodded, he was so happy. He hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe. It was a moment I’d later regret.

Kevin and I were cousins. He appeared normal when we were kids. But growing up, I realized he was mentally handicapped.

Months passed. He was walking along the tracks when a sudden burst of wind blew the baseball cap right off his head. He was hit by a train trying to retrieve it.

“Jimmy!” was the last word he uttered before he died.

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Entry filed under: Blogroll, friday fictioneers. Tags: , .

Wordless Wednesday: Lost in Translation Weekly Photo Challenge: Ambience

46 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Iain Kelly  |  January 11, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    Ouch, that’s a sore one for the reader, big emotional impact. Well done.

    Reply
    • 2. plaridel  |  January 11, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      iain:

      i was afraid i overdid it. thank you.

      Reply
  • 3. rochellewisoff  |  January 11, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    Dear Plaridel,

    Heart wrenching and well told.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
    • 4. plaridel  |  January 11, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      rochelle:

      them days i get emotional. 😦

      Reply
  • 5. Alicia Jamtaas  |  January 11, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    “It was a moment I’d later regret.” Oh, indeed. Well told.

    Reply
    • 6. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 11:01 am

      alicia:

      it was very perceptive of you. that’s the sentence that started it all.

      Reply
  • 7. Sandra  |  January 12, 2017 at 2:02 am

    A good one. Kevin got to me in 100 words.

    Reply
    • 8. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 11:00 am

      sandra:

      thank you for reading as usual. i deeply appreciate it.

      Reply
  • 9. Liz Young  |  January 12, 2017 at 2:02 am

    Oh that’s so sad, and the guilt will never fade.

    Reply
    • 10. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 11:00 am

      liz:

      somehow, he shouldn’t blame himself for what happened.

      Reply
  • 11. michael1148humphris  |  January 12, 2017 at 2:46 am

    Fate was cruel, very well written.

    Reply
    • 12. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 10:59 am

      michael:

      sometimes, fate could be cruel indeed. thank you.

      Reply
  • 13. Siobhan McNamara  |  January 12, 2017 at 2:58 am

    I really felt the impact of the train and the guilt. Sad that a moment of kindness and love turned out to have such heart-breaking association for the narrator

    Reply
    • 14. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 10:59 am

      siobhan:

      it’s very kind of you. thank you for the generous comment.

      Reply
  • 15. FabricatingFiction  |  January 12, 2017 at 4:08 am

    I wasn’t expecting that!

    Reply
    • 16. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 10:58 am

      louise:

      thank you for reading as usual. deeply appreciate it.

      Reply
  • 17. gahlearner  |  January 12, 2017 at 4:26 am

    I hope he’ll remember the happiness, later. Being kind makes us vulnerable, but it’s worth it. Great emtional story.

    Reply
    • 18. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 10:58 am

      gahlearner:

      that’s one way of looking at it.

      Reply
  • 19. draliman  |  January 12, 2017 at 4:46 am

    Very sad. Not really Jimmy’s fault but he’ll probably always blame himself.

    Reply
    • 20. plaridel  |  January 12, 2017 at 10:58 am

      draliman:

      agreed, he shouldn’t blame himself for what happened.

      Reply
  • 21. rgayer55  |  January 12, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    Well constructed story. I feel horrible for Jimmy, but if it hadn’t been the baseball cap it would have likely been something else. Tragic.

    Reply
    • 22. plaridel  |  January 13, 2017 at 11:04 am

      russell:

      that’s so true. life is full of surprises.

      Reply
  • 23. Keith's Ramblings  |  January 13, 2017 at 4:52 am

    Oh my goodness, that’s so sad. How will he ever recover from witnessing that? Excellent story.

    …when I grow up! My tale.

    Reply
    • 24. plaridel  |  January 13, 2017 at 11:03 am

      keith:

      it was fate. he must learn to live with it.

      Reply
  • 25. Michael Wynn  |  January 13, 2017 at 5:26 am

    Wow you’ve gone for hit the reader hard between the eyes this week. Very effectively done

    Reply
    • 26. plaridel  |  January 13, 2017 at 11:03 am

      michael:

      thank you for the encouraging comment.

      Reply
  • 27. spicedmullings  |  January 13, 2017 at 5:37 am

    OMG! Sometimes our good intentions birth wrong actions. The temptation is to stop doing good, but I guess that cry would haunt him all his life. Kudos for a great story!

    Reply
    • 28. plaridel  |  January 13, 2017 at 11:02 am

      sabina:

      yes, sometimes it comes to the point of damn if you do, damn if you don’t. we just have to live with the consequences .

      Reply
      • 29. spicedmullings  |  January 14, 2017 at 12:50 am

        Yep. Seen it. Done it!☺

        Reply
        • 30. plaridel  |  January 14, 2017 at 4:47 pm

          sabina:

          me, too. 🙂

          Reply
  • 31. neelwritesblog  |  January 13, 2017 at 10:04 am

    Very emotionally charged story. Sad as well. Did I detect some grammatical ambiguity in ” He was hit by a train trying to retrieve it.” It sounds as if the train was trying to retrieve it. Great story otherwise.

    Reply
    • 32. plaridel  |  January 13, 2017 at 11:02 am

      neel:

      i agree about the ambiguity in that sentence. it couldn’t be helped. it was the result of having to fit the story in 100-words. thanks for the heads up.

      Reply
  • 33. pinoytransplant  |  January 13, 2017 at 8:16 pm

    It’s amazing that you can tell a story and evoke such an emotion in just 100 words.

    Reply
    • 34. plaridel  |  January 14, 2017 at 4:48 pm

      pinoytransplant:

      what a generous compliment. perhaps you should join friday fictioneers, too. you won’t regret it. 🙂

      Reply
  • 35. Dale  |  January 14, 2017 at 8:02 am

    I had a horrible feeling while reading this only to have my fears confirmed… (my favourite movie is Fried Green Tomatoes and Buddy loses his life for his intended’s hat…)

    Reply
    • 36. plaridel  |  January 14, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      dale:

      i haven’t seen the movie. i’d go to the library and borrow it. 🙂

      Reply
      • 37. Dale  |  January 14, 2017 at 5:03 pm

        Oh my! It’s my favourite! I watch it once per year!

        Reply
        • 38. plaridel  |  January 15, 2017 at 9:55 am

          dale:

          it must be really good. 🙂

          Reply
  • 39. lingeringvisions by Dawn  |  January 14, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    I’d like to think Kevin was happier during his short time, thanks to Jimmy.

    Reply
    • 40. plaridel  |  January 15, 2017 at 9:57 am

      dawn:

      you might be right. it’d bring comfort to jimmy.

      Reply
  • 41. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)  |  January 15, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    The sadness of the tale heightens with the matter of fact way you tell it. The style suits the subject

    Reply
    • 42. plaridel  |  January 17, 2017 at 10:04 am

      björn:

      i wrote it as i imagined it. the comment is deeply appreciated.

      Reply
  • 43. Dawn Quyle Landau  |  January 17, 2017 at 7:44 am

    Such a sad and shocking story, Plaridel. You’ve delivered it with simple and clear details, that make it that much harder to read.

    Reply
    • 44. plaridel  |  January 17, 2017 at 10:03 am

      dawn:

      coming from you, it’s a great compliment. thank you.

      Reply
  • 45. Steven Leitch  |  March 17, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    This is fantastic 😀

    Reply
    • 46. plaridel  |  March 17, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      steven:

      thank you. i’m glad it you liked it.

      Reply

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