Dumped

March 7, 2018 at 10:08 am 54 comments

For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 9 March 2018

Sandra Crook

Photo Credit: Sandra Crook
 
Dennis looked down the canal where Natalie was found. Clutching his gun, he thought whoever murdered her should die.

Natalie was his first ever girlfriend. Friends wondered why he’d fall for somebody who was loud and used to getting her way. Deep down inside, he saw something good in her.

“You deserve better,” Dennis remembered Natalie saying when they broke up. He wasn’t sure if it was meant as a compliment or insult. But there was something he was certain. Being dumped made him real mad.

As Dennis put the gun to his head, he heard Natalie’s voice taunting him.

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Wordless Wednesday: A Happy Vendor Inside England: In the Land of the Brontës

54 Comments Add your own

  • 1. James  |  March 7, 2018 at 10:23 am

    Dennis is deeply conflicted but I guess that won’t matter in a second when he pulls the trigger.

    Reply
    • 2. plaridel  |  March 7, 2018 at 3:47 pm

      james:

      it could be better than rotting in jail.

      Reply
      • 3. James  |  March 7, 2018 at 4:18 pm

        Maybe.

        Reply
        • 4. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:33 am

          james:

          on the other hand, he might have second thoughts and not pulled the trigger.

          Reply
          • 5. James  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:59 am

            True.

            Reply
  • 6. Iain Kelly  |  March 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    No winners in this situation. A tragic end for both.

    Reply
    • 7. plaridel  |  March 7, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      iain:

      sad, but true.

      Reply
  • 8. Dale  |  March 7, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Oh dear. Why they feel the need to destroy instead of walk away, I will never understand.
    Good job, Plaridel

    Reply
    • 9. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:35 am

      dale:

      with more words to spare, the story could have ended differently. 🙂

      Reply
      • 10. Dale  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:53 am

        For so many of us 😉

        Reply
        • 11. plaridel  |  March 9, 2018 at 9:08 am

          dale:

          unfortunately, but it’s fun nonetheless. 🙂

          Reply
          • 12. Dale  |  March 9, 2018 at 9:12 am

            😊

            Reply
  • 13. anuragbakhshi  |  March 7, 2018 at 10:57 pm

    Woah.

    Reply
    • 14. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:35 am

      anurag:

      indeed.

      Reply
  • 15. Keith's Ramblings  |  March 8, 2018 at 1:39 am

    What a sorrowful tale.

    Reply
    • 16. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:36 am

      keith:

      i know.

      Reply
  • 17. James McEwan  |  March 8, 2018 at 2:22 am

    Oh the madness is infectious.

    Reply
    • 18. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:36 am

      james:

      thank you for reading. i’m glad you liked it.

      Reply
  • 19. ceayr  |  March 8, 2018 at 3:58 am

    Clever tale, neat twist.

    Reply
    • 20. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:37 am

      ceayr:

      you’re very kind. i appreciate the comment.

      Reply
  • 21. rochellewisoff  |  March 8, 2018 at 5:14 am

    Dear Plaridel,

    It sounds like Dennis head a few mental issues. Surprise/tragic ending. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
    • 22. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:39 am

      rochelle:

      thank you reading as usual. i’m glad you liked it.

      Reply
  • 23. draliman  |  March 8, 2018 at 5:17 am

    Tragic, a murder suicide. A shame Dennis didn’t get help before it came to this.

    Reply
    • 24. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:40 am

      draliman:

      but he hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. hope springs eternal.

      Reply
  • 25. Norma  |  March 8, 2018 at 8:10 am

    A tragic and sad story for both the characters.

    Reply
    • 26. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:41 am

      norma:

      sadly, it happens even in real life.

      Reply
      • 27. Norma  |  March 10, 2018 at 7:49 am

        Very true.

        Reply
        • 28. plaridel  |  March 10, 2018 at 9:30 am

          norma:

          sadly…

          Reply
  • 29. Christine Goodnough  |  March 8, 2018 at 9:46 am

    Well written, though very sad. Unfortunately people often don’t look very far for viable options, as other commenters have said.

    Reply
    • 30. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:43 am

      christine:

      who knows, maybe help will come at the last minute.

      Reply
  • 31. pennygadd51  |  March 8, 2018 at 10:45 am

    I like “You deserve better,” and ‘he heard Natalie’s voice taunting him.’ They ring true.

    Reply
    • 32. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:44 am

      penny:

      i agree.

      Reply
  • 33. Moon  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:30 am

    Obsession can be so destructive. It’s hard for some people who ‘ love too much’ to let go and that’s probably the root cause of all problems.
    Great writing, Plaridel.

    Reply
    • 34. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:45 am

      moon:

      wise observation. much appreciated.

      Reply
  • 35. Kelvin M. Knight's blog  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:32 am

    Love is letting go. It’s a hard lesson. I hope he doesn’t pull the trigger, or if he does the gun is empty.

    Reply
    • 36. plaridel  |  March 8, 2018 at 11:47 am

      kelvin:

      i think he heard you. he’s having second thoughts at the moment.

      Reply
  • 37. Varad  |  March 9, 2018 at 2:51 am

    Guess Natalie has not been a good influence on Dennis. Poor bugger seems to be in a perpetual state of conflict.

    Reply
    • 38. plaridel  |  March 9, 2018 at 9:06 am

      varad:

      yes, and time’s running out for him.

      Reply
  • 39. subroto  |  March 9, 2018 at 4:57 am

    Looks like he was responsible for her death and now her words are haunting him.

    Reply
    • 40. plaridel  |  March 9, 2018 at 9:06 am

      subroto:

      he killed her.

      Reply
  • 41. Sarah Ann  |  March 9, 2018 at 5:16 am

    There is so much in here and so much also unsaid. I’m not sure Dennis or Nathalie were particularly nice people. It seems they might have deserved each other?

    Reply
    • 42. plaridel  |  March 9, 2018 at 9:05 am

      sarah ann:

      they were indeed unlucky to have each other.

      Reply
  • 43. granonine  |  March 9, 2018 at 8:49 am

    Okay, for the second time reading the stories this week, my therapist brain just kicked into overdrive. What we have here is a needy, controlling young–very young, I’m thinking–man who couldn’t stand the rejection, murdered mouthy Natalie, and is now on the brink of suicide because he can’t stand the idea of prison, where he would have no control whatsoever,

    Or maybe I’m just over-reacting 🙂

    Reply
    • 44. plaridel  |  March 9, 2018 at 9:05 am

      linda:

      youi’re right on the money. 🙂

      Reply
  • 45. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)  |  March 11, 2018 at 10:25 am

    Indeed… the man who killed Natalie will die… I think he is making sure of that.

    Reply
    • 46. plaridel  |  March 13, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      björn:

      a done deal once he pulled the trigger.

      Reply
  • 47. liz young  |  March 11, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    No woman is worth dying for – or killing for either.

    Reply
    • 48. plaridel  |  March 13, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      liz:

      or a man for that matter.

      Reply
  • 49. rgayer55  |  March 12, 2018 at 5:17 am

    Despite her flaws, she deserved something better too.

    Reply
    • 50. plaridel  |  March 13, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      russell:

      absolutely.

      Reply
  • 51. athling2001  |  March 13, 2018 at 7:59 am

    Not entirely stable, is he? I wonder if he killed her? He certainly seems obsessed. Was this a murder suicide? If so, they both seemed to egg each other on. Well done suspense. I can see this as the first chapter of a novel, the remainder showing how he got to that moment.

    Reply
    • 52. plaridel  |  March 13, 2018 at 4:00 pm

      athling:

      it was a murder-suicide situation. thank you for giving me ideas to pursue.

      Reply
  • 53. Alicia Jamtaas  |  March 13, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    Oh, I love how the beginning of your tale pulls us in then shows us that Dennis is a very bad man.

    Reply
    • 54. plaridel  |  March 13, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      alicia:

      gotcha! 🙂

      Reply

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