A Walk to Remember
June 6, 2018 at 2:05 pm 49 comments
For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 8 June 2018
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Photo Credit: Roger Bultot
14-year-old Ashley was starting to get antsy.
“What happened to Dad?” she wondered. “Did he forget to pick me up?”
Unable to wait any longer, she decided to leave the train station despite the risks of being assaulted by a stranger.
It didn’t take long for her to notice a black sedan following her. Sheer panic gripped her as it pulled up beside her.
“Young lady,” Ashley heard the bearded man inside speak through the open window. “Would you like a ride?”
“Dad, you scared me. What are you doing in that car?”
“It’s a loaner. My car broke down.”
Entry filed under: Blogroll, friday fictioneers. Tags: 100-word challenge, fiction, humor.
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Musings of a Random Mind 
1.
Courtney Wright | June 6, 2018 at 2:11 pm
Uhmm.. scary!! I don’t think I would have waited around long enough to find out who was in the car!!
2.
plaridel | June 6, 2018 at 4:58 pm
courtney:
it was like “a deer caught in the headlights” situation for her. 🙂
3.
Iain Kelly | June 6, 2018 at 2:29 pm
That ended much better than I thought it was going to for a second!
4.
plaridel | June 6, 2018 at 4:57 pm
iain:
she was indeed lucky given all the perverts out there.
5.
Joy Pixley | June 6, 2018 at 4:13 pm
Good thing that was only her Dad! Trying to teach her a little lesson about walking alone, it sounds like.
6.
plaridel | June 6, 2018 at 4:57 pm
joy:
thank goodness for that! 🙂
7.
Dale | June 6, 2018 at 8:04 pm
Something told me it was Dad… but I thought he was testing her…
8.
plaridel | June 6, 2018 at 9:53 pm
dale:
it was very perceptive of you. 🙂
9.
Mike | June 6, 2018 at 8:39 pm
WOW! What a relief that it was her Dad. Nice clean scary story. Had me on the edge of my seat in such short words.
10.
plaridel | June 6, 2018 at 9:52 pm
mike:
thank you. i’m glad you liked it. 🙂
11.
prior.. | June 6, 2018 at 8:51 pm
ha – you got me in the end
12.
plaridel | June 6, 2018 at 9:52 pm
prior:
great, sometimes i get lucky. 🙂
13.
prior.. | June 6, 2018 at 10:33 pm
🙂
14.
draliman | June 6, 2018 at 11:30 pm
It would have served dad right if she’d Maced him as soon as he rolled down the window heh heh 🙂
15.
plaridel | June 7, 2018 at 9:08 am
draliman:
lucky dad. 🙂
16.
Keith's Ramblings | June 7, 2018 at 2:19 am
Not sure I like the way he scared her! A brilliant story nonetheless.
Click to read my FriFic tale
17.
plaridel | June 7, 2018 at 9:07 am
keith:
he should have called to tell her he was coming with a loaner because his car broke down. unfortunately, it happened before the age of cell phones. 🙂
18.
Sandra | June 7, 2018 at 2:29 am
Phew! Nicely paced.
19.
plaridel | June 7, 2018 at 9:07 am
sandra:
it’s very generous of you. thank you.
20.
Susan A Eames | June 7, 2018 at 2:59 am
Ah, so that’s why he was late. Naughty to scare her though. Nicely done.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
21.
plaridel | June 7, 2018 at 9:07 am
susan:
he didn’t mean to. just happened. 🙂
22.
Christine Goodnough | June 7, 2018 at 7:24 am
She will indeed remember that walk!
23.
plaridel | June 7, 2018 at 9:06 am
christine:
it would certainly be part of family lore. 🙂
24.
lisarey1990 | June 7, 2018 at 5:12 pm
Thank god for the ending! So well-written.
25.
plaridel | June 8, 2018 at 9:56 am
lisarey:
you’re very generous. thank you.
26.
Alicia Jamtaas | June 7, 2018 at 7:58 pm
From creepy to Thank Goodness! Well done, Times are scary for kids.
27.
plaridel | June 8, 2018 at 9:56 am
alicia:
i love happy endings. 🙂
28.
pennygadd51 | June 8, 2018 at 3:46 am
You sketch the characters believably. Ashley’s emotions are well described.
29.
plaridel | June 8, 2018 at 9:56 am
penny:
thank you for the nice comment. much appreciated.
30.
jillyfunnell | June 8, 2018 at 5:34 am
Good story.
31.
plaridel | June 8, 2018 at 9:55 am
jilly:
thank you for reading as always. deeply appreciated.
32.
spicedmullings | June 8, 2018 at 7:34 am
I almost feel he stole it!
Your title is something!
33.
plaridel | June 8, 2018 at 9:55 am
sabina:
it would be a different story if he did. 🙂
34.
rochellewisoff | June 8, 2018 at 7:50 am
Dear Plaridel,
Such a good build of tension to a relieved laugh at the end. Loved this. Good job!
Shalom,
Rochelle
35.
plaridel | June 8, 2018 at 9:55 am
rochelle:
i appreciate the comment very much. thank you.
36.
An Introverted blogger | June 9, 2018 at 1:05 pm
Great story! I’m glad it was just the Dad!
37.
plaridel | June 9, 2018 at 6:36 pm
nadia:
me, too. 🙂
38.
Russell Gayer | June 9, 2018 at 3:58 pm
Hmm . . . when you said a bearded man, I was expecting Santa Claus–or me.
39.
plaridel | June 9, 2018 at 6:35 pm
russell:
of course not. 🙂
40.
Sarah Ann | June 10, 2018 at 1:40 am
Lovely positive end to the tale. I think Ashley needs to learn a bit of patience however.
41.
plaridel | June 10, 2018 at 7:45 pm
sarah:
hopefully, in due time. 🙂
42.
granonine | June 10, 2018 at 4:22 am
Egad! What a fright!
43.
plaridel | June 10, 2018 at 7:44 pm
linda:
gotcha! glad it worked. 🙂
44.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) | June 10, 2018 at 9:43 am
What a wonderful relief…
45.
plaridel | June 10, 2018 at 7:44 pm
björn:
i love happy ending. 🙂
46.
Liz Young | June 11, 2018 at 6:52 am
Perhaps the mild scare will make her more careful in future.
Small editing point – you might want to change ‘spoke’ to ‘speak’ when her Dad talks.
47.
plaridel | June 11, 2018 at 11:06 am
liz:
lesson learned. i believe she would be.
thank you for the correction. i really appreciate it.
48.
notestowomen | July 7, 2018 at 6:55 am
Nice one. I’m sure she wouldn’t go walking about alone like that anymore.
49.
plaridel | July 7, 2018 at 1:53 pm
notestowomen:
it helps to be cautious nowadays.