Posts tagged ‘luck’

Lucky

For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 7 October 2016

C. E. Ayr
Photo Credit: C. E. Ayr

Jack went upstairs and found Elaine lying naked in bed asleep.

“She’d be surprised to see me,” he thought.

Jack marveled at how beautiful she turned out. Back in the day when they bathed in the river as kids, she was as plain as plain could be.

Elaine attracted many suitors and Jack’s chances of winning her grew dim. Perhaps if he couldn’t have her, nobody would?

As he started to undress, Elaine stirred and woke up.

“What are you doing here?“

“Sorry for interrupting your nap,” Jack replied to his wife. “I wasn’t feeling well and came home early.”

Revision #1

Jack went upstairs and found Elaine lying naked in bed asleep.

“She’d be surprised to see me,” he thought.

Jack marveled at how she grew up into a beautiful woman. Back in the day when they hung out together and bathed in the river as kids, she was as plain as plain could be.

Elaine had many suitors. He must be really lucky to win her heart.

As he started to undress, Elaine stirred and woke up.

“What are you doing here?“

“Sorry for interrupting your nap,” Jack replied to his wife. “I wasn’t feeling well and came home early.”

Revision #2 (with Perry’s Input)

Jack went upstairs and found Elaine lying naked in bed asleep.

“She’d be surprised to see me,” he thought.

Jack marveled at how beautiful she turned out. Back in the day when they bathed in the river as kids, she was as plain as plain could be.

Elaine had many suitors. He would never be able to win her, of that he was sure.

As he started to undress, Elaine stirred and woke up.

“What are you doing here?“

“Sorry for interrupting your nap,” Jack replied to his wife. “I wasn’t feeling well and came home early.”

October 5, 2016 at 6:56 pm 36 comments


From The Book Thief

i have hated the words and i have loved them, and i hope i have made them right.

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