Left Alone
October 17, 2018 at 1:41 pm 47 comments
For Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Challenge: 19 October 2018
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| Photo Credit: Jilly Funelli |
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As his mom’s car drove away, 5-year old Ezra was gripped with shock and panic. Left alone at the foot of the mall’s stairwell, he was seen sobbing, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Mall security looked after him while waiting for a relative to claim him.
“Ezra, I’m so relieved,” his mom cried out as she rushed to hug him. “I can’t forgive myself if something bad happened to you.”
It was later found out that thieves dropped him off at the mall after stealing her car with him in it as she ran to the store to buy cigarettes.
Entry filed under: Blogroll, friday fictioneers. Tags: 100-word challenge, fiction.
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Musings of a Random Mind 
1.
Iain Kelly | October 17, 2018 at 2:13 pm
Thank goodness they were reunited. I hope mum has learned her lesson.
2.
plaridel | October 17, 2018 at 4:10 pm
iain:
yes, she was indeed lucky that they just took her car.
3.
StuHN | October 17, 2018 at 8:03 pm
See? Smoking is bad for everyone. Smoke bad.
4.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:03 am
stuart:
you can say that again.
5.
Prior... | October 17, 2018 at 9:13 pm
ouch – this seemed like it could have been a real news story.
well done….
6.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:02 am
yvette:
sad to say, it happens all the time. worst offenders are those who left their babies unattended inside the car on a hot summer day.
7.
Prior... | October 18, 2018 at 2:42 pm
Yes – the first time
I heard about it was in 2004 and this colleague (temp summer job) was trying to raise awareness – and sometimes it happens on accident – folks “forget” or other human error
8.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 12:58 pm
yvette:
there should be no excuse. offenders should be fined or go to jail for leaving kids unsupervised inside the car while they go about their business.
9.
Prior... | October 20, 2018 at 9:31 am
I agree – and the lady that innocently forgot her son also has the consequence of a dead child and will live the rest of her life with guilt and remorse – unlesss she detaches – but usually it is a slow death for them and then they also get legal trouble –
And recently there was a story in the news about two parents going to jail for driving around on a moped (or scooter) with a five month old between them –
And had another fine –
And I guess citizens reported this and police found out – and you know P – as I read the story I realaozed how absolutely foolish some parents are – how could they endanger their child like
That? They seemed like living parents and not defending their stupidity – but I think they were really just operating within their limited cognitive scope and loved their baby so much – they just likely never saw the complete endangerment of what they did
10.
plaridel | October 21, 2018 at 12:23 pm
yvette:
if there’s a silver lining in the story, the thieves only took her car and left the son behind. hopefully, she learned from this experience.
11.
Prior... | October 21, 2018 at 12:23 pm
oh how awesome of you to put in a silver lining – grace…
12.
plaridel | October 23, 2018 at 8:24 am
yvette:
well, i couldn’t resist. 🙂
13.
Prior... | November 2, 2018 at 11:39 am
🙂
14.
draliman | October 17, 2018 at 11:52 pm
Hopefully this will teach her not to leave her kid in the car in future…
15.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:02 am
draliman:
let’s keep our fingers crossed it doesn’t happen again.
16.
pennygadd51 | October 18, 2018 at 1:57 am
That’s a good take on the prompt. You’ve written a dramatic story.
17.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:01 am
penny:
i’m glad you liked it. thank you.
18.
Liz Young | October 18, 2018 at 4:45 am
Poor little boy, and a lesson for his mother – never leave your child alone in the car.
19.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:01 am
liz:
hopefully, she has learned her lesson and not put her kid in danger again.
20.
granonine | October 18, 2018 at 7:58 am
Oh, thank goodness for the happy ending. Poor Mum–I’ll bet she never does that again!
21.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:01 am
linda:
i love happy ending. 🙂
22.
rochellewisoff | October 18, 2018 at 8:57 am
Dear Plaridel,
Nice misdirect there. His mom’s car drove away…Left me smiling with relief.
Shalom,
Rochelle
23.
plaridel | October 18, 2018 at 9:05 am
rochelle:
that’s the idea. unfortunately, 100-word limit gave it away too soon. 🙂
24.
Dale | October 18, 2018 at 11:44 am
I get so angry when I hear these stories… Poor kid. Very lucky they were reunited alive…
And yes, excellent misdirection there.
25.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 1:00 pm
dale:
thank you. misdirection is quite a challenge when you’re limited to 100-words. i tried anyway. 🙂
26.
anuragbakhshi | October 18, 2018 at 10:05 pm
Poor kid! With mothers like these, who needs enemies!
27.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 12:58 pm
anurag:
i’m sure it won’t happen again. mom learned her lesson.
28.
Abhijit Ray | October 19, 2018 at 12:31 am
How did little Ezra reach the mall? Did thieves drop him there, because he was crying?
29.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 12:57 pm
abhijit:
thanks for the critique. much appreciated. i rewrote the story to avoid confusion.
30.
Priya | October 19, 2018 at 2:43 am
Thank god, Ezra wasn’t in the car. scary!
31.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 12:57 pm
priya:
yes, it was good the car thieves didn’t take him with them.
32.
Russell Gayer | October 19, 2018 at 7:25 am
It was a good story, but I had to read it twice to put all the pieces together. From Abhijit’s comment, I think it was a little confusing for him as well. You might consider reworking the structure to make it more clear and concise.
33.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 12:57 pm
russell:
your point is well taken. i did some editing to make it cleaner. thank you.
34.
Russell Gayer | October 19, 2018 at 1:27 pm
Yes, that helped.
35.
plaridel | October 21, 2018 at 12:19 pm
russell:
thank goodness. 🙂
36.
JoHawkTheWriter | October 19, 2018 at 11:02 am
Wow. What a scary story. Mom needs a break if she is that distracted.
37.
plaridel | October 19, 2018 at 12:56 pm
jo:
yes, i think mom needs a break from cigarettes. 🙂
38.
James McEwan | October 20, 2018 at 2:53 am
A true story on more than one occasion.
39.
plaridel | October 21, 2018 at 12:19 pm
james:
i guess it happens all the time. a similar situation was reported on tv last night.
40.
jillyfunnell | October 21, 2018 at 2:32 am
It happens. But I reckon this mother will never do it again.
41.
plaridel | October 21, 2018 at 12:19 pm
jilly:
yes, let’s think positive. 🙂
42.
michaelwynnauthor | October 21, 2018 at 3:39 am
Hopefully this will sort the mother’s priorities out. Nicely told
43.
plaridel | October 21, 2018 at 12:18 pm
mick:
i’m glad you liked it. thank you.
44.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) | October 21, 2018 at 9:05 am
I think there are cases where you feel thankful even to thieves….
45.
plaridel | October 21, 2018 at 12:18 pm
björn:
i totally agreee.
46.
lisarey1990 | October 21, 2018 at 1:54 pm
Very dramatic. Great job!
47.
plaridel | October 23, 2018 at 8:23 am
lisa:
i’m glad you liked it. thank you.