feeling the crunch

we’ve been very busy at work. as i mentioned in passing in an earlier post, our company lost people throughout last year and the group i work with (thought to be immune from layoffs) felt the axe in the last quarter. it goes without saying that we’re feeling the crunch. there are fewer bodies to handle the workload. i find it funny that after letting people go, management is now projecting more work ahead that contractors will be hired to help out.

this is the game that a company chooses to play. staff are treated like chess pieces that can be strategically maneuvered or sacrificed based on its position at the market place. should it prove later that a mistake has been made, management would consider it as an experience gained, try to learn from it, and move on. that’s well and good. but using layoffs, say, just to boost the company’s stock price doesn’t fall under this ‘well and good’ category. i don’t see it worth sacrificing people’s lives and careers for such a short-term goal.

i confess, however, that the dollar saving measures (including the layoffs) undertaken last year did help the stock price and the company’s bottom line. a couple of weeks ago, management announced that we met last year’s profit target that every employee will get the promised bonus later in february or early in march. i’m sure it’s pocket change compared to what the executives will receive, but i’d take it. i could use the extra money for emergencies like a midnight latte.

the company goals this year are more aggressive than last year. we are expected to continue doing more with less. i, for one, have the added responsibility of maintaining the group’s computer lab, images of desktops used for testing, and the hardware inventory. geez, as if i’m not already working my butt off in engineering.

i’m starting to wonder if i have any life outside work at all. sometimes i feel so tired that i’d fall asleep in the train on the way home. waking up, i’d find i’d missed my transfer and wound up in san francisco. and based on the stares that i’d get, i’d know i’d been snoring with my mouth open and tongue out. it must have been a lovely sight. i’m glad i can provide that kind of entertainment once in a while.

one of my co-workers once remarked that we should be grateful for the ever-increasing workload. it could only mean job security. she could be right. but hopefully, the request for additional staff will be approved soon. i think we’re all getting close to burnout.

post-holiday blues

a huffington post photo

the holiday season is finally over. everything is getting back to normal. you notice it when the bills start pouring in, a grim reminder of that profligate time when the onslaught of sales ads enticed you, tempted you, and made you believe your pockets were deeper than you thought.

i spent over $4,000 in gifts and got nothing in return. as they say, it’s better to give than to receive. i guess it’s also better than getting something you don’t like. i’m a very difficult person to buy presents for, anyway. when my folks ask what i want for christmas, i usually give the “don’t bother” answer. but still i can’t avoid this awkward feeling on christmas eve when i see everybody opening their presents and i have nothing on my hands except the garbage bag to put the discarded wrappers in.

my indifference towards receiving gifts probably started when i graduated salutatorian in grade school in the philippines. since we were poor, it was quite a surprise to receive many gifts from my mother and aunt. my jealous classmates were begging that i unwrap the gifts right there to see what i got, but i didn’t succumb to pressure following my aunt’s instructions. the biggest surprise was when i opened the gifts at home. they were either empty or full of rocks. they weren’t what i imagined them to be like the much dreamt of bb gun or a new pair of shoes. the only real gift that i received was a blue hawaiian shirt from my grandmother and it wasn’t even wrapped. when my father, who didn’t attend the graduation, learned about it, he became very upset. he blamed my aunt for concocting such a stupid idea and my mother for coming along with it. a few weeks later, he bought me a bb gun.

for some logic that a salutatorian couldn’t understand, my mother and aunt explained that because of my accomplishments people expected that i should receive many gifts. the fake gifts were to meet that expectation and save me from embarrassment in their eyes. thank goodness! it would be the first and last time i would experience that kind of disappointment. in high school, i lost most of my brain capacity when hormones started to kick in. i would never be an honor student again.

looking back, i still feel cheated, but the hurt and the anger have long been gone. more importantly, i believe now that they did it for love and that was good enough to forgive and forget.

traffic school 2.0

it was a lovely saturday considering that we’re in the midst of winter. the sun was out and the temperature was in the mid-50s. it was a great time to go to the nearby park and hike around the lake. but not this saturday. i had to attend traffic school.

a few weeks ago, i was caught by the california highway patrol making an illegal line change. i crossed the white solid line when exiting the freeway. i see a lot of drivers do this all the time and able to get away with it. They should consider themselves fortunate. i was fined $291 for my indiscretion plus $34 for the class fee.

this was the second time i attended traffic school. in 2010, i went to class for a different infraction. the purpose of going to class is to have the court dismiss the citation on the basis of traffic school attendance. once dismissed, it would not show in your dmv record anymore. that’s what you want to happen. you want your driving record to remain clean because it’s used by insurance companies to set up rates. in other words, the cleaner your record, the more reasonable your insurance premium will be. now, this option to make your ticket disappear is only allowed once in any 18-month period. i got lucky that my last violation occurred past that period, although, i’d admit, just barely.

it was a whole day class conducted by a retired cop. no doubt about it, he was a force to behold. he displayed this aura of someone with many years of issuing traffic tickets. he was a straight shooter. he said that it would be for our mutual benefit to give his lecture our undivided attention as there would be a written test later. he continued that he would take it as affront should we fail it. it would mean that he didn’t do a good job. at the same time, it would mean that we wouldn’t get the certificate required to have our citation dismissed.

The first order of the day was a roll call of the thirty attendees. it was followed by a getting to know each other session. it was similar to what they do in an alcoholic anonymous meeting, i suppose. one by one, we took turns introducing ourselves and telling the class what brought us there. it felt better spilling the beans to a sympathetic audience. a large majority in the class were caught on camera crossing the intersection after the light turned red.

the lecture was supposed to be about the current california vehicle code (cvc) which consists of 43,000 laws.

“how do we expect to know all of these laws?” we asked.

“such a monumental task,” he mused. “but ignorance of the law doesn’t excuse no one.”

“then how do we know for sure if we break a law?”

“it’s when you see the red light of a police car flashing behind you.”

since it would take a lifetime to cover the california vehicle code in its entirety, the instructor concentrated in the provisions that are already discussed in the california driver handbook. it kept us wide awake as we already know most of them.

he did introduce us to a concept that leads to a ticket or an accident on the road. it’s called unintentional amnesia. it happens when we become so engrossed in our preconditioned notion of reality that, when a change occurs, we tend to overlook it. let’s say you’ve been driving this route for many years. it’s likely that you’ll miss the new stop sign on the day it was posted or the slick of oil from the previous night’s accident. it’s because your mind doesn’t expect them to be there.

at the end of the day, we all passed the test and got our certificates. darn, he’s good, really good. he’s one of the best instructors i ever had.

it’s 2012

dick clark’s rockin’ eve 2012

happy new year! another year is over and another one has just begun. i went for a walk this morning to get the sunday paper. it didn’t seem to be like winter. it felt more like late spring. the sun was out and the trees were still as there was hardly a breeze. the neighborhood was unusually quiet, too. i guess the people were sleeping in after partying all night.

i spent new year’s eve at home alone watching dick clark’s new year’s rockin’ eve with ryan seacrest. it was his 40th year. a few years ago, he suffered a stroke that affected his speech. last night, he looked much older and sounded terrible, but he’s still the man. how many more years can he do it? nobody knows. it can be on a year-to-year basis from now on, but i’m sure his millions of fans will take it until the final curtain comes.

people handle the coming of the new year differently depending on their age group. if you’re like dick clark, it may arrive a little slowly as you don’t know whether you’ll still make it to the next one. you’re in that stage in life where the best years have already passed and that every day brings you closer to the grave. on the other hand, if you’re the younger version of dick clark, you may feel the year comes and goes very quickly. i guess that’s what happens when you’re so engaged with living and having so much fun that you don’t notice time passing. be mindful that i’m generalizing here. you may be one of the exceptions. some remain young at heart in their golden years while some grow old before their time.

no matter what age group we belong in, the start of the new year should give us time for self-reflection. the past year must be a mixed bag of good and bad. let’s cherish the happy moments and not dwell on the sad ones too much. in addition, let’s learn from our mistakes and challenges and consider them as opportunities for growth. as for the new year, it’s the time to move on. let’s treat it as a new beginning and welcome it with hope and joy in our hearts.

snow angel

artist unknown

sometimes the simplest poem is the hardest one to write. even though i have this poem on the back of my mind for a long time, i couldn’t find the right words to express it until now. dear one, i hope it’s worth the wait.

the cloth she wears
is white and holy
no medal nor gold
to make it heavy

softly she descends
from a distant flight
her voice is silent
on this wintry night

a lost soul perhaps
or just fallen snow
soon the world wakes up
who would care to know