It’s Not Just For Babies Anymore

After 30 years and completing more than 130 missions, the NASA space shuttle program is now history. Last Thursday, the space shuttle Discovery, the workhorse of the program, became part of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. The remaining space shuttles will go on display at other institutions across the country.

No doubt about it, NASA has made significant contributions to science and exploration, such as landing the first man on the moon. But through its programs, it has also led to the development of products that found practical applications in everyday life. Some of them are athletic shoes, cordless tools, water filters, memory foam, scratch-resistant lenses, and space diaper.

Space diaper? Really? Well, NASA doesn’t exactly call it that. It’s discreetly referred to as maximum absorbency garment. Wikipedia defines it as “a piece of clothing NASA astronauts wear during liftoff, landing, and extra-vehicular activity (EVA) to absorb urine and feces.”

Very few people knew of its existence until the exploits of the astronaut who drove 900 miles nonstop to accost her romantic rival became tabloid fodder in 2007. It was a feat worthy of the Guinness Book of World Records. You better believe it, she did it by wearing the NASA official issue undergarment.

Since the shuttle program has been retired, former astronauts can earn extra bucks by becoming spokesmen for the diaper industry. They’ll be good at it being users themselves and considering the high regard that the public has for them. With the help of Madison Avenue, they can sell the idea that diapers aren’t just for babies and sick people anymore. Everybody can benefit wearing them in this fast and stressful world.

The onus is now on the diaper manufacturers to come up with different designs and colors to guarantee widespread appeal.

For example, how about bullet-proof diapers for our troops as they go on patrol in dangerous Afghan neighborhoods where taking bathroom breaks is almost impossible? And for their Jihadist counterparts, how about specially coated diapers to preserve their manhood as they go about on their suicide missions? Virgins in paradise must be ever so grateful.

For worried parents, the kind of diapers with a lock and key, could be a hit. It’s not for them to wear, silly, but for their daughters when they go to the prom. Imagine the peace of mind that it brings knowing that their daughters are safe from the harmful effects of hormones.

Our distinguished filibusters in congress will benefit from wearing diapers. Known for their long speeches for the purpose of delaying legislative action and making themselves feel important, they don’t have to hide behind the podium with their wet pants anymore.

Jurors will find them handy, as they get locked up inside the jury room fighting among themselves, tearing each other apart, and trying to decide the fate of an ax murderer.

Shoppers from all walks of life, including the fussy and conscientious ones, will consider them the best invention since slice bread as they patiently wait their turn at the returns and exchange section at the malls.

And that goes for airline travelers, too. If more passengers wear diapers, there will be shorter line to the lavatory. If pilots wear diapers themselves like their astronaut cousins, it will also free up the lavatory reserved for their use only. A simple gesture, perhaps, but it’s good public relations and it will definitely help the holdouts, who don’t believe in diapers, relieve themselves on time when they really, really have to go.

It may still ways to go before wearing diapers become truly mainstream, but i think it’s getting there. As society becomes more restrictive and the lines and wait times get longer, its practicality will far outweigh any resistance. Just take a look at the above video of a hot chick waiting for her boyfriend. Isn’t she smart coming prepared and covered up for any eventuality?

Anyway, if I have money to invest, I’ll put some in a company that sells these goodies. I think it’s gonna be a winner.